Adam Lanza’s ShockedBeyondBelief.com forum posts

These quotes were buried at the bottom of a previous post, and with the traffic on this blog increasing drastically, many are probably looking for these forum posts by the Sandy Hook shooter, which were previously unknown. So, I’m re-posting them here.

The below quotes are from (mostly) cached forum threads from the site ShockedBeyondBelief.com, a now-defunct forum dedicated to the Columbine killers, and mass shootings in general. Lanza posted under the username “Smiggles”, up until sometime in early 2012.

For evidence that these contributions were in fact written by Adam Lanza, see this post. I’ve added notes after some of the quotations. The links will lead to the original threads, usually in cached form.

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“I’m still waiting for a mass shooter who eschews 9mm pistols and instead buys an AK-47 pistol, 30 30-round magazines, and 1000 hollow points….” (while Lanza did not use an AK-47, he did bring copious 30-round magazines with him to Sandy Hook, and this is generally consistent with with his fixation on firepower)

“How about how Mad_Bomber has been here for three years and he still hasn’t gone on a rampage? I thought he would’ve been on my catalog of mass murderers by now. 😦 ” (the “catalog of mass murders” is a spreadsheet on Lanza’s hard drive, noted in the full official report on Sandy Hook and frequently cited in news stories)

“I don’t have any clue what transhumanists are thinking. My wet dream is living in the wild with apes, and theirs is living in a computer with AI.” (consistent with official report re: chimp society, and “Greg’s” radio appearance.)

“Gay marriage is legal in my state.” (Same-sex marriage was legalized in Connecticut in 2008)

“I don’t like holidays, but I would say Halloween. It marks the beginning of my favorite time of the year, November-December, when the sunlight always seems to be its dimmest. Because of the snow, January and February always seem to be intolerably bright. I hate the sun so much. In any event, it’s neat that Halloween is the only widely-observed holiday which sort of has the potential to be tied to despair.” (according to the official report, Lanza hated holiday, was sensitive to light, and all of the windows in his room were completely blacked out, as show in crime scene photos:

(from the thread entitled “Moments that restore your faith in humanity, and in reference to another poster who had cited Anders Breivik, the Norway mass killer) “In a “My political ideology finally gets some attention” sense, a “Someone finally outdid Woo Bum-kon” sense, a “He looks so cute in those compression jammies” sense, or what?” (Woo Bum-kon is another mass-killer, and Breivik “outdid” him by killing more people, consistent with Lanza’s “high score” spreadsheet)

“I used to think that I was asexual, but the primary reason why I thought that was because my BMI was 14.” (see: any photo or description of Lanza)

“I hate how life-apologists say (or rather, the very few of them who do anything other than mock you), “Life isn’t all suffering. What about the simple pleasures, like eating ice cream?“They always use that example. Even if I didn’t recognize the flaws in their assertion, when I think of ice cream, I can only see a repugnant lump of pus crushed out of cows’ bloody nipples, who spend their entire lives confined in filth, where they’re periodically raped so that they’re incessantly pregnant, after which their calves are seized from them, destined to live the life of veal, with their only relief being an early death. From there, I always ride the pessimism train down different tracks until it inevitably leads me to contemplating over 500 million years of animals cannibalizing each other. Excuse me for not being thrilled by the extra jimmies on my ice cream cone.” (Lanza was a very strict vegan, and his disgust at the textures of animal-based foods is noted in the official report)

“I looked up a bunch of Hoarders episodes earlier this month. As a compulsive organizer, I like to imagine how much pleasure I would get from throwing out everything in those places. My favorite hoarder was Andy.” (Lanza was obsessively, compulsively cleanly)

And, finally, some random insights into the shooter’s warped psyche:

“Dead people in general receive more respect and blind compassion than they ever would have had while alive. I don’t understand it.”

“Literature is simply another coping mechanism for children who’ve been mindfucked by culturapists. They’re carried to other worlds in the stream of semen.”

“I castrated myself when I was 15 to rebel against society.”

“American mass murders were less prevalent before Richard Speck precipitated their rise in 1966. My best estimate for the -absolute- minimum amount of mass murders in the US since 1966 is 960. I would be surprised if there weren’t a minimum of somewhere around 1500 in reality, but we’ll just vaguely say that there have been over 1000. If you were trying to measure alienation in a society, what could be a more blatant indication? And it’s glib to dismiss them as not being indicative of anything just because there have been over a thousand of them instead of over a hundred thousand, or however many you think are necessary, because mass murdering is so ridiculously over-the-top of a response that very few people are prone to do it under any circumstances. But just look at how many fans you can find for all different types of mass murderers ”not just the [Columbine killers]”, and beyond these fans are countless more people who can sympathize with them; and beyond these are millions more who never think of relating the circumstances of their lives to anyone else but instead just go through the motions of life incessantly dissatisfied with their environment. Thinking of this society as the default state of existence is the reason why you think that humans would be “not well” for “no reason whatsoever”. Civilization has not been present for 99% of the existence of hominids, and the only way that it’s ever sustained is by indoctrinating each new child for years on end. The “wellness” that you speak of is solely defined by a child’s submission to this process and their subsequent capacity to propagate civilization themselves. When civilization exists in a form where all forms of alienation (among many other things) are rampant, as can be seen in the most recent incarnation within the last fifty years which AS55 talked about, new children will end up “not well” in all sorts of ways. You don’t even have to touch a topic as cryptic as mass murder to see an indication of this: you can look at a single symptom as egregious as the proliferation of antidepressants. And look in your own life. You’ve said that you’re afflicted by unrelenting anxiety and that you’re afraid to leave your house. Do you really think that the way you feel is not symptomatic of anything other than your own inexplicable defectiveness?”

“I can’t stop thinking about how much this [Pumped Up Kicks song] annoys me. Even if it wasn’t so lame, it would still bother me that they used the name “Robert”. Now one of my favorite mass shooters has been turned into a trendy stereotypical poster child of school shootings just because of his age, despite having nothing to do with the school shooter archetype. They could have used Michael, or Evan, or Barry, which would literally fit in with the whole “cowboy kid” thing.”

“Self” is a delusion and life cannot be anything other than suffering.